11 Movies I Hate... that other people claim to like. Spoiler Alert.

Se7en: interesting movie until halfway through, when it goes off the rails and becomes junk.  An entertaining crime drama becomes unwatchable as soon as the killer starts helping the cops looking for him.  And then he kills someone who doesn't fit the profile just to goad one of the cops into shooting him, thus fulfilling the "Wrath" Deadly Sin.  Overblown tripe.

12 Monkeys: Terry Gilliam's most depressing paen to futility.  I have been informed I haven't given this movie it's fair shake, so perhaps I should watch it again and try to be less judgemental.  Still didn't like it much.

Punch Drunk Love & Lost in Translation: more than two hours of total unfunny.  Dry wit?  Sure.  That's another word for unbearable, right?

The Hours: it felt more like the months... the long tedious months.  Totally unengaging.  It tries to show what depression is like... and succeeds so well it can actually cause it.

The Thin Red Line: a nature pic, without the interesting narration... crossed with a war movie, without all the interesting action.  If the goal was to show how boring war is, it succeeded.  Beautiful film, lots of grass waving in the wind.

Million Dollar Baby: a sports movie ruined by a sudden attack of bad scripting and audience manipulation.  If that was the story you meant to tell Clint, then it should have been told in non-linear fashion, showing us the penultimate scene, the "Will he help her?" scene first, establishing the result of the accident, then taking us back to the beginning and show us what had come before.  I should not have been tricked into seeing a movie that claimed to be about boxing but was really about assisted suicide.  Imagine Rocky, but instead of victory at the end Adrian has to help a paralyzed Mr. Balboa kill himself.

Citizen Kane: boring, pointless, worthless, and overdirected.  My father's favorite move, god entertain his soul.

Empire Strikes Back: Okay, I actually like this one, but of the six its my least favorite... and my SW cred is as good as anyone.  I stood in line for 36 hours to be first to get tickets for Episode 1... and then saw it 10 times opening day.  I just can't stand Luke's constant whining.  Audience, search your feelings, you know him to be a little bitch.

Godfather: Okay, I don't really hate this movie, but I just can't agree with all those people who rave about it being the best movie ever.  On my list of the 100 best movies I've ever seen, it places top 50.  Sure.  Top 20?  probably not.

Sunset BLVD:  I'm ready for my naptime Mr. Demille.  Granted, its an okay movie, I guess, but I am sooooooo sick of the parodies and homages and on and on and on.

The Quintessential Sci-Fi Guru List

Here are somethings that every Sci-Fi Fan should Watch / Play / Read / Experience, before trying to claim guru status. 

The Rules.  Each item has a point value, add them to get your score.  A Guru is not an obsessive fanboy who knows how many windows there are on the Enterprise D or how far Tattooine is from Dagobah.  Gurus have a broad base, and that is for the good.  I invite you to pass send your friends to this note.  Ideally I'd like lots of feedback so I can tweak and improve it.  I also think it would be cool to have a website of it, where one could register and mark as experienced various items and keep see a running score.  Of course, it would have to be honor based.  I'd also love to get input from industry experts, commentary on the impact and merit of a particular item.

Please note that I make no distinction for or against humor, only on quality.

My original idea for this note didn't include a point scheme... but then I thought, "If I include a point scheme, people will be offended by the scores I gave" and controversy is always good.

TV & Movies: Most of us experience our Sci-fi in a visual format, usually on TV or at the movies.  That said, most of your points will be had here.  The scoring matrix I use is a mixture of cultural (fandom) relevance and cultural (real world) impact.  So yes, most of the points here will be scored on Star Trek, because it's had the largest effect.  Sorry Star Wars fans, 8 movies and an animated TV series doesn't compare with 6 series and 11 movies.  Anything I've left off, please, feel free to credit yourself 1/10th of a point per movie or TV series Season. Some movies are grouped, because I don't feel that individually they contribute overwhelmingly, but when viewed in relationship to others they have a significant effect.

Star Trek TOS (3)

Star Trek TNG (5)

Star Trek DS9 (4)

Star Trek Voyager (3)

Star Trek Enterprise (2)

Star Trek Animated (1)

Star Trek Movies (5)

Farscape (2)

Babylon 5 (4) +1 for all the movies, +1 for Crusade, +1 for Tales

Andromeda (1)

The Day the Earth Stood Still, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, District 9, 2001 & 2010, The Thing (5)

Doctor Who 20+ Episodes Pre Baker (5)

Doctor Who 20+ Episdoes Baker (5)

Doctor Who Entire Modern Run (5)

Firefly (2) would be worth more, but its only 13 eps, if you can't sit through the whole thing, you loose at life.

Dollshouse (1)

Buffy & Angel (1)

Lost (2)

Alias (2)

Battlestar Galactica Original Series (2)

Battlestar Galactica Modern (2)

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (2)

Alien Nation Movies and TV Series and TV Movies (3)

Sliders (2)

Stargate SG-1 (3)

Stargate Atlantis (1)

Stargate Universe (1)

Star Wars Trilogy (4)

Star Wars Prequels (3)

Star Wars Clone Wars (1) +1 for the TV series

Star Wars Ewoks whatever (0.0001)

ET (1)

Spaceballs (2)

Planet of the Apes Series (3)

Soylent Green (2)

Blade Runner (1)

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1) In the Theatre (+1)

Terminator & T2: Judgement Day (3)

Total Recall (0.5)

Pluto Nash (0.0000000000000000001)

Plan 9... while sober (2)

Pandorum (0.5)

Alien & Aliens (3)

Avatar... who hasn't seen Avatar (1)

Scanners (1)

Buckaroo Banzai & Flash Gordon (1)

V for Vendetta & A Clockwork Orange (3)

Metropolis (1)

Frankenstien & Bride of Frankenstien (1)

The Matrix (1) the Trilogy (+1)

Short Circuit, Batteries Not Included, My Stepmother is an Alien, Mom and Dad save the Universe, & MIB (4)

Critters, Enemy Mine, Predator, Event Horizon, & Pitch Black (4)

The Chronicles of Riddick, Tales from a Parallel Universe, Death Race 2000 (5)

The Cold Equations (1)

Galaxy Quest (1)

Back to the Future Trilogy (1)

Wall-E (0.5)

Gozilla (1) with an additional +1 for more than 3 other movies in the series.

Heavy Metal (1)

Forbidden Planet (2)

Lost in Space TV (2)

Barbarella (1)

Equilibrium (1)

Zardoz (3)

Anime (Shut it, haters).  The trade off with Anime is that much of it is worthwhile, but little is of massive cultural signifigance and the required investment in time often runs to several days.  Legend of the Galactic Heroes is excellent, but at more than 100 episodes, its a dense slog, especially considering it isn't commerically availible in the US.  Fire Star Stories is shorter, but even harder to find.  Robotech and Gundam are easily availible, but their vast length can be offputting.  Serial Experiements Lain is only 13 episodes, but it, like Evangelion, run significantly deeper into metaphysics and motivation than many westerners are comfortable seeing in animated format.  Akira is a classic, and worth watch, while Starblazers (more correctly known as Space Battleship Yamato) and Gunbuster are intriguing and interesting, well worth it for people who enjoy space battles.  There are dozens more, and some, like Tenchi or Glass Fleet or El Hazard are excellent views, but not for everyone.  Still, any Sci-Fi anime, yes, even Galaxy Angel, Battle Athletes, and... shudder... Digimon, should be counted as 1/10th of a point per show, with 20 hours (roughly 50 episodes) or the entire series being the credit point.

Legend of the Galactic Heroes (1)

Five Star Stories (1)

Robotech 50+ Episodes (2)

Neon Genesis Evangelion (2)

Gundam 50+ Episodes (2)

Serial Experiments Lain (1)

Space Battleship Yamato (1)

Akira (1)

Gunbuster (1)

Books: Clearly there are too many Sci-Fi books and series of books for me to even come close to listing them all, but some are significantly more vital or amusing than others.  Any novel is worth 1/10th of a point, except Star Trek Novels, which are worth 1/20th, except where noted. 

Stranger in a Strange Land (2)

Valis (1)

Foundation Trilogy (4)

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (2)

Honor Harrington Series (3)

Empire of Man Series (1)

The Posleen War Series (the main arc and Watch on the Rhine) (3)

A Scanner Darkly (1)

Bio of a Space Tyrant Series (2)

Caiaphas Cain Series (1)

Star Trek: Kobiashi Maru (1)

Star Trek Excalibur Series (2)

Heechee Series (1)

Star Wars: Dark Empire Trilogy (1)

Dune (3)

The rest of the Dune Series (2)

The Dune Prequels (1)

Starship Trooper (2)

The Diamond Age (2)

Snow Crash (1)

Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (5)

1984 (1)

Fahrenheit 451 (1)

I, Robot & The Caves of Steel (5)

Neuromancer (1)

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (1)

Ringworld (2)

Rendezvous With Rama (1)

Eon (1)

Hyperion (1)

Brave New World (3)

The Time Machine (2)

Childhood's End (1)

The War of the Worlds (2)

The Forever War (1)

The Martian Chronicles (1)

The John Carter of Mars Series (2)

Slaughterhouse Five (1)

The Left Hand of Darkness (2)

The Stars My Destination (1)

Solaris (2)

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (2)

A Wrinkle In Time (1)

Contact (0.5)

The Andromeda Strain (0.5)

The Gods Themselves (0.5)

A Fire Upon the Deep (1)

A Clockwork Orange (2)

Stand on Zanzibar (0.5)

Videogames

Borderlands (1)

Star Wars Tie Fighter (1)

Knights of the Old Republic (1)

Knights of the Old Republic II (1)

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (1)

Bioshock (3)

Mass Effect (3)

Lego Starwars (1)

Better Dead than Alien,Galaga, Galaxian, or Space Invaders (1)

Missile Command (1)

Zack McKraken and the Alien Mindbenders (1)

Maniac Mansion & Maniac Mansion: Day of the Tentacle (2)

Starcraft (2) +1 if you are Korean

Starcraft II (1)

Might and Magic Series (1 per game), only 1-9

Final Fantasy VII (3)

Final Fantasy VIII (2)

Final Fantasy VI (1)

Chrono Trigger (2)

Xenosaga (2) +1 for Xenogears

Traditional Role Playing Games and Board Games

Cosmic Encounter (1)

Twilight Imperium (1)

Starfarers of Catan (1)

Mage the Ascension (1)

Mag-Blaster (1)

Renegade Legion (1)

Starfleet Battles (1)

Solarquest (1)

Buck Rogers Battle for the XXVth century (1)

Comicbooks

The Airtight Garage (1)

The Incal (2)

The Metabarons (1)

2000 AD (1 per 200 issues)  Includes ABC Warriors, Rouge Trooper, Judge Dredd, Nemesis the Warlock, and Strontium Dogs, among others.

A Distant Soil (1)

Red Star (1)

The Authority (1)

Harsh Realm (1)

Watchmen (1)

Nexus (1)

Grimjack (1)

Luthor Arkwright (1)

Addendum

Dark City (2)

The Fifth Element (1)

Gattaca (1)

Stargate the Movie (1)

Serenity (1)

Logan's Run (1)

The Mad Max Trilogy (1)

The Abyss (1)

Donny Darko (1)

The Iron Giant (1)

When World's Collide (1)

West World (1)

They Live (0.5)

Superman (1) or the entire Superman series (1.7)

The Quintessential Fantasy Guru List

Here are somethings that every Fantasy Fan should Watch / Play / Read / Experience, before trying to claim guru status. 

The Rules.  Each item has a point value, add them to get your score.  A Guru is not an obsessive fanboy who knows how many hobbits appear in the 4 books of the LOTR series or what Bastian actually yells into the storm.  Gurus have a broad base, and that is for the good.  I invite you to pass send your friends to this note.  Ideally I'd like lots of feedback so I can tweak and improve it.  I also think it would be cool to have a website of it, where one could register and mark as experienced various items and keep see a running score.  Of course, it would have to be honor based.  I'd also love to get input from industry experts, commentary on the impact and merit of a particular item.

Please note that I make no distinction for or against humor, only on quality.

My original idea for this note didn't include a point scheme... but then I thought, "If I include a point scheme, people will be offended by the scores I gave" and controversy is always good.

In this Q-Guru list I introduce the concept of Required Viewing or Reading.  Some parts of the Fantasy ouvre must be experienced or you simply cannot be a Guru.  It would be like claiming to be a Guru of world religions and not knowing who Buddha was.   The entire list is worth approximately 660: 120 for Movies, 42 for Anime, 325 for Books, 125 for Videogames, 24 for games, and 24 for comics.

Less than 10% - Grasshopper

11-20% - Fledgling

21-40% - Fan

41-60% -Well Versed

61-80% - Maven

81-95% - Guru

96%+ - Fanatic

TV & Movies:

Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings Trilogy (7)

The Hobbit (Animated) (3)

The Fellowship of the Ring (Animated) (1)

The Return of the King (Animated) (2)

Hercules the Legendary Journeys (2)

Xena: Warrior Princess (4): Yes it's moralizing, patronizing, and makes a hash of mythology, but it's fun.

Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1)

Roger's & Hammerstien's Cinderella (1)

Disney's Treasure Planet (0.5)

Disney's Beauty & the Beast (1)

Disney's Sleeping Beauty (1)

Disney's Tangled (1): What can I say, it looks fab

Disney's Little Mermaid (1): DON'T READ THE BOOK! oh okay, +1 for reading the icktastic book.

Disney's Aladdin (1)

Indiana Jones (7) [3,1.5,2,0.5] if you want the breakdown

Wizards (0.5)

Fire & Ice (0.5)

Heavy Metal (0.5)

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, Sinbad & The Eye of the Tiger, Jason & The Argonauts, and Clash of the Titans (original): 12 because even though they were done without computers, they are still monuments to the glory of film making and special effects.

The Princess Bride (10, plus, if you haven't seen this movie,  you fail this list. Your score is Zero until you've seen it.)

Labyrinth & The Dark Crystal (5): Absolutely required, shame on you if you haven't seen them.

The Wizard of Oz (1) because people will yell at me if it's not here, even though it blows.

Avatar the Last Airbender TV (2)

Lady in the Water (1)

Buffy & Angel (5)

Charmed (0.5)

Highlander TV (1)

Highlander Movie (2)

Pushing Daisies (1)

True Blood (1)

Bewitched & I dream of Jeanie (50+ Episodes each) (3)

Wild Wild West Movie or TV series (1)

The Addams Family & The Munsters (50+ Episodes total) (3)

The Beast Master (2)

Pan's Labyrinth & Hellboy (1)

Never-Ending Story (3)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (1)

The Promise (1)

The Hero (1)

Monty Python & The Holy Grail (5)

Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy (2)

The Conan Trilogy (2) (Includes Red Sonja)

Lady Hawke (0.5)

Hawk the Slayer (0.5)

Excalibur (0.5)

Krull (1)

Legend (1)

Shrek (1)

Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, My Neighbor Totoro, & Kiki's Delivery Service (4)

The Mummy [1999] (1)

Time Bandits & The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (3)

Stardust (1)

The Last Unicorn (1) Book & Movie (1.5)

Secret of NIHM (1)

Big Trouble in Little China (1)

Any three Tim Burton Movies (2)

Anime:  Let's face it, the vast majority of visual Fantasy is Anime.  And much of it is actually worth watching.  Some of it less, some of it more, but what is listed below is the best of the best.

Record of the Loddoss War I & II (2 per series)

Slayers, Slayers Next, Slayers Try, Slayers OAV (3 per series, 2 for the OAV's)

Magic Knights Rayearth I & II (2 per series)

Full Metal Alchemist (2)

Escaflowne (1)

Bastard! (1)

Bleach (75+eps=2)

Card Captor Sakura (50+eps=2)

El Hazard: The Mysterious World (3)

El Hazard: The Wanderers (1)

Elf Princess Rane & Dragon Half (1)

Fushigi Yuugi (1 per season)

Inuyasha (1 per season)

Revolutionary Girl Utena (2) You will not Understand.

Sailor Moon (1)

Books:

The Wheel of Time Series (2 per book)

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2 per book)

The Hobbit (3)

The Keys to the Kingdom by Garth Nix (4 for the series)

The Abhorsen Trilogy by Garth Nix (2 for the series)

The Once and Future King by T.H.White (2)

The Four Lords of the Diamond by Jack C Chalker (1) [On a side note, I'd also recommend his Soul Rider and Changewinds series, but they really aren't significant enough to give more than 0.1 per, although if you read all 8, feel free to give yourself those extra 0.2 to make it an even point.]

Harry Potter Series (3) Required Reading, but at this point who hasn't.  Also, not that tough a read. +2 for all the movies released to date.

The Chronicles of Narnia (4)

The 1001 Arabian Nights (0.5 if abridged, 3 if unabridged)

The Vlad Taltos Series & The Khavren Romances (0.5 each)

The Vampire Lestat & Queen of the Damned (1.5) No credit for the movies or any other book in the series.

The Mummy or Ramses the Damned (1)

The Twilight Series (1) no credit for the movies.

The Oz Series (1 per, because even though the later books are more obscure and less relevant, the fact that you've actually managed to find and read book 40: Merry Go Round in Oz, is spectacular.  Only the Canon books count)

The Fionavar Tapestry (3)

The Pridain Chronicles (2)

Incarnations of Immortality by Piers Anthony (5)

Apprentice Adept by Piers Anthony (2)

The Xanth Series (2 per 3 books)

The Myth Series by Robert Asprin (0.5 per book)

The Shanara Books (2 per series)

The Black Company Series (1)

The Dark Tower Series (4... +1 if you actually finished reading the 7th book, and remember you're only lying to yourself)

The True Game & The Saga of Mavin Manyshaped (4)

Earthsea (3)

The Dark is Rising Quintet (3)

Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever (2 per trilogy)

The Belgariad (4)

The Mallorean (2)

Belgarath & Polgara (1)

The Elric Saga (2)

The Inheritance Cycle (1)

Gormenghast Trilogy (1)

The Discworld Canon (aside from the first two, 0.3 per.  The original pair, 1)

The Riftwar Saga (3), all other related books (0.5)

The Golden Compass (2)+1 for finishing the series

The Dark Elf Trilogy (2)

The Finder's Stone Trilogy (1)

The Avatar Trilogy (1)

The Dragon Prince Trilogy (0.5)

The Anita Blake Series (1 for Guilty Pleasures, 0.3 for the others)

Sword of Truth Series (1 per)

Symphony of the Ages by Elizabeth Hayden (1 for Rhapsody, 1 for the other two)

The Original Dragonlance Trilogy (3)

The Rose of the Prophet Trilogy & The Darksword Trilogy (1.5)

Memory, Sorrow, & Thorn Trilogy by Tad Williams (2)

Amber: Corwyn's Chronicles (4)

Amber: Merlin's Chronicles (1)

Redwall (1)

Fairy Tales by The Brother's Grimm (1, 2 for the originals)

The Haunting of Hill House (1)

Peter Pan (1)

The Wind in the Willows (1)

Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde (1)

So You Want to be a Wizard (1)

Gulliver's Travels (3)

Tarzan of the Apes (1)

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (2)

Le Mort D'Arthur (4) although I loathe it, this version of the Arthurian Legend set up the whole Art-Lance-Gwen triangle. bleh

Mists of Avalon (2) a feminist take on Arthurian Legends? Hard to pass up.

The Song of Fire & Ice (1 per book, 0.5 for the Hedge Knight)

The Pern series (2 for Dragonriders, 0.5 for all others)

The Darkover Series (2 for Darkover Landfall, 2 for the Renunciates Series, 0.3 for any other)

Dracula... unabridged (3)

The Farseer Trilogy (2)

Watership Down (3)

American Gods (1)

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory (4, Required Reading)

Good Omens (1)

Animal Farm (1)

The Odyssey, The Iliad, & The Annead (5)

Dante's Inferno (2), Purgato & Paradiso (1)

Aesop's Fables (1)

A Midsummer's Night's Dream (0.5)... but see the stage show instead if you can.

I am Legend (0.5)

Picture of Dorian Gray (0.5)

A Christmas Carol (0.5)

Metamorphosis by Ovid (0.5)

Metamorphosis by Kafka (0.5)

The Cat in the Hat & Horton Hears a Hoo (1)

The Little Prince (1)

The Phantom Tollbooth (0.5)

Johnathan Livingston Seagull (0.5)

Beowulf (1)

Gilgamesh (1)

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (3)

Any Tamora Pierce series (1)

Videogames

Final Fantasy Series (1 per Game)

Disgaea Series (1 per Game

Warcraft Series (1 per Game)

Diablo Series (1 per Game)

Elder Scrolls Series (1 per Game)

Dungeon Master & Dungeon Master II: Chaos Strikes Back (3)

Might & Magic (1 per game, including HOMM, but not any Consol Version)

Fable Series (1 per Game)

Myst Series (2)

Zork Series (1 per Game)

Loom (2)

Dragon Quest / Dragon Warrior Series (1 per Game)

Secret of Monkey Island (3 for the first, which is essentially required, 1 per game otherwise)

Grandia (2)

Grandia II (2)

Tales Series (0.5 per game)

Atelier Series (0.5 per game)

Dark Cloud I & II (1 per game)

Kingdom of Loathing (50+ Hours=1)

Gaia or Ragnarok Online (1000+hours=1)

Castleage (200+ hours=1)

Any other Fantasy MMORPG (100+Hours=1)

Kingdom Hearts 1 & 2 (2 per game)

Ultima Series & Wizardry Series (0.5 per game)

Legend of Zelda Series (2 each for A Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, Twilight Princess, and the Original.  1.5 for Windwaker, Link, & Majora's Mask.  1 for any other game in the series)

Any Mario Platformer or RPG (1 point, but only one counts): Yes this is fantasy.  There are wizards, dragons, princesses, and pointless heroics.

Nethack, the first of the Roguelikes (1)

Traditional Role Playing Games and Board Games

Runequest (2)

D&D [Old School] (4)

AD&D 1st (3)

AD&D 2nd (2)

AD&D 3rd (1)

Forgotten Realms (1)

Kara-Tur (0.5)

Al-Qadim (0.5)

Dark Sun (0.5)

Dragonlance (0.5)

Greyhawk (0.5)

Dungeon (1)

Munchkin (1 + 0.5 per additional settings)

MTG (1 for 100 games, +1 for 1000+ Games)

Warhammer, Hero Quest, or Mageknight (10+=1)

Comicbooks

Camelot 3000 (0.5)

Amethyst: Princess of Gemworld (0.5)

Bone (1)

Cerebus, the first 100 issues (2)

Elfquest, the first 4 volumes (5)

Thieves & Kings (1)

Fables, through the Invasion (3)

Neil Gaiman's Sandman, complete run (5)

Groo the Wanderer, any 20 issues (1)

Negima (Manga) (2)

Ranma 1/2 (Manga) (3)

6 Songs of Defiance

Never Surrender by Corey Hart

And when the night is cold and dark

You can see, you can see light

Cause no-one can take away your right

To fight and never surrender

We Don't Need Another Hero by Tina Turner

So what do we do with our lives We leave only a mark Will our story shine like a light Or end in the dark Give it all or nothing!

We're Not Gonna Take it

We'll fight a thousand legions

Don't pick our destiny 'cause

You don't know us, you don't belong

Leave Me Alone

I Don't Care What You Talkin' 'Bout Baby

I Don't Care What You Say

or

('Cause There's A Time When You're Right)

(And You Know You Must Fight)

Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd

We don't need no education! 

We don't need no thought control!

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

I will survive

Oh as long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

And I will survive

The Uprising, Introduction

An Invitation by Jesse Grant

"Commander, the instability is spiking."

"Time remaining?"

"Unsure, two minutes or less."

"Savior? Progress?"

"Another sixteen million, three hundred thousand."

"Engineering, how's the gate holding?"

"Badly Commander, we're getting high flux values."

"Can you boost the-"

"Commander, the star's breaking up.  It's going right now."

"Savior?"

"Nine Million.  I'm transiting them as fast as the system allows!"

"Time to impact?"

"Seven eight four seconds!"

"Pilot, begin moving us towards the gate. Sorry Savior, I'll hold us here as long as possible, but-"

"It's okay commander, I understand.  five million four hundred thousand."

"300 seconds.... 200... 100..."

"Pilot, take us through."

The massive yet graceful form of SYL Rescue Vessel Salvator slipped through the distortion just as the titanic wave of stellar debris smashed the planet and it's remaining two million, two hundred and sixty two thousand sapient residents to incandescent dust.  Salvator bucked, flipping end over end as the leading edge of the super nova blasted through the closing distortion.

Klaxons wailed, glowglobes exploded, and all over the bridge personnel were shaken violently in their restraints, yet the Mechanicians had built Salvator well and within moments she settled down, righted herself and surged away.

The commander turned to the blue winged woman floating serenely next to him.  "How many did we get?"

"Just under three hundred million of the Bakash, plus breeding samples of approximately 70% of all non-micro scale land creatures and 43% of all major pelagic sea creatures."

"Hmmm... I guess that's as good as can be expected... now, has the Board decided what to do with them?"

"No idea.  Trying to relocate a planet full of people is challenging enough.  Doing it with pre-rational societies is a thousand times worse, even with populations this small.  The last thing the board wants is a repeat of the Gaguna-Limursh Incident."

"Forgive me Savior, I'm not familiar with it."

"It's the reason the Resettlement Board exists.  It was about 300 years before I was born, back in '686."

Gaguna-Limursh Resettlement District (Sherkun V, Maganth Galaxy, Fief of Flowers, Aspect 15,446)

499.999,686, Fifty-first of Hulf

The history: Approximately 21 years previous, an Explorer Vessel in the employ of Dov Quistin (Count Breshu-Raganao) surveyed the Maganath-Mysiner-Miahav Gamma system.  Discovering that the system's second planet had a pre-rational (stone and bronze age level) sentient population they declared the system unexploitable per Standing Order 14.2.  A cultural studies group was sent in to  make a general catalogue and examination; instead they discovered that MMM Gamma II was geologically unstable. After three years of failed attempts to stabilize the planet, a decision was made to evacuate the planetary population.  Contact was made with local leaders (none of the various cultures exceeded the city-state level and most were semi-nomadic or isolated villages) and the situation explained.  A fleet of transports was commissioned and in the end some 61 million Limursh were evacuated, much to their amazement.  Dov Quistin donated one of the continents of the fifth planet of the Sherkun system to the Resettlement and several Resettlement Districts were created.

The situation:  Gaguna-Limursh Resettlement District is home to 17 million Limursh divided into thirty-three tribes.  Most of them are city builders.  The District Center is a compound of Imperials, mostly colonization experts, medical personnel, non-missionary priests, plus support staff and families.  The population of the Center is 15,000, give or take.  There are 18 Legionnaires forming a combination Garrison / Watch, commanded by Legionnaire Third Holisana Polglase.